FROSH YEAR OVEEER

My first year of college is done.

Damn.

Already?

Well. Hmmm. As I pack my things to leave my dorm room tomorrow, I don't know how I should feel. Everything seems as though it went by so fast. And even though I feel as though it's been so short, I've been through so much. The changes around me are just absolutely mind-boggling; the good changes and the bad ones.

I reflect on the year and realize that virtually everything around me has changed. But the best part, and the part that took me the longest to realize: besides about 20 pounds of weight and a few more inches of hair (which might I add, both look extremely sexy on me-- thank you) I have remained unchanged. My perspective isn't much different. My sense of humor isn't much different. And I still am crazy about football and my goals in life.

The best changes have been finding faith in myself that I haven't had before, learning to take responsibility, gaining a new and hopefully longtime best friend, and of course, having the great opportunities I have to do something special with my life. Of course, there's a ton that I am forgetting, but those really stick out to me right now.

I'm living the life. Through the good days and the bad ones, I still need to remember that I have so much going for me. It's tough sometimes, because there is a lot one must sacrifice to get here. But there is nothing quite like this.

I can't wait for this next year. I feel like this first year of college is really just a stepping stone to the real thing. My redshirt year is over, and I've got 4 years of college left, and I plan on starting off big and setting the bar higher for myself each year.

Well, good riddance to the dorms. I will miss having a huge room with a 52 inch, fridge, and a decent couch, but my house is about to be SWEEEET. Plus no creepy he/she RAs to deal with.

A wise man once told me... well. Wait. Let me try this again. I don't think I got that one quite right.

Josh Tschirgi once told me (that's better) that his time here at Oregon went by faster than he could ever imagine. I see what he was saying... and I haven't even seen the field yet. It's about to be nuts. This year has just sort of zipped by, and it's not stopping anytime soon. I need to take advantage of every day I have.

To those who don't know yet, yeah, I'm staying in Eugene this summer. I will be coming home just a little bit... but not much and probably not as often as I would like. But this is home now. I need to stay here and work as hard as I possibly can to get better and be prepared. I'm living the dream, but I need to work harder if I want to live MY dream.

As I pack my last few boxes (and procrastinate in doing so by typing this at 3:30 am), I must say I am really excited to move into my house with Lance and C.E. in July. It's gonna be pretty tight, and it's a really nice place. Send some house-warming gifts right this way! Dishes and silverware are definitely a must! Food is always legit too... haha.
Well, if you're bored enough to read all of this, I hope you've atleast enjoyed something from it. I'm kind of just jotting some reflective thoughts down. Hopefully you will wish me the best, and keep in touch with me... I'm not hard to find.

Remember, just shoot an email to justfollow61@yahoo any time. I'll be there if nothing else.

Enjoy your summer for me. I'll enjoy mine... when the hard work is paying off this fall.

~NC

A message to someone

I can't wait to see you. I'm really upset right now and I don't know why. One of my usual character breakdowns I guess. Not crying or anything, but I feel like I could at any given second if I had any reason. I miss you. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my old life. I dunno, I've been having some awful dreams lately. Not really bad or direct, but just ones that remind me of my dad... stuff that just digs to the deepest part of my brain and emotions. I wake up sometimes and feel as if my dad is still alive and that I can tell him what I just heard in a dream, but then I wake up and realize he's not there and its that same realization I should have had the day he died but I didn't. It's the kind of dreams that make me wake up and forget that Oregon ever happened. Not that I regret it, but I regret the way I've treated everyone and the way I've been acting. I've been so selfish. Just thinking about whats going on here and establishing myself and trying to move on. But that's not how I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm going to accomplish my goals by sticking to the plan and sticking to what I want to do, not what other people want me to do.

It's just been hard. College has made me sort of just try and move on after everything that happened with my dad. I'm not over it and I act like I have been forever. I still hurt every day and I still have terrible memories of it all and at times I feel I still need help. I don't know. It's weak.

I wish I had all day to myself to focus on football and my family. No school. No having to worry about places to go or things I have to do. Maybe even no friends. I just don't know what I want. I feel like I need to lock myself down and just have it be me and you but it's not.

I love you and I'm gonna make it all up to you when I can heal again.

Hey, long time no update

Well, because of Info Hell, I haven't been blogging as much.

I've also been pretty busy with some other things. If Info Hell isn't the death of me, it will probably be my ankle! Okay, so I got arthroscopic surgery on Thursday, and have been on crutches since. I'm supposed to stay off of it for now. Hopefully, this will fix what has been bugging me this whole season. I will be ready to go for spring ball too. This spring is my chance. I'm pumped. Nothing is gonna stop me.

For those of you who don't know what Info Hell is, it's a class required for acceptance to the journalism school and the entire quarter is centered around a 100 page research paper. It's the worst! And I'm stuck with a god awful topic. Not sure how it's gonna turn out!

But I'm hanging in there, pulling through, and prepping myself for this spring: the most important time in my career will be these next few months. This is it. Showtime.

Well... Eugene...

:(

Hey, you know what? Forget it..

Right now, I'm 1 hour into my bday.

And so far it's been awesome.

Fall of Troy concert just got over. It was pretty sweet... definitely enjoyed it. And then me and Lance went to Taco Bell. Now, watching my favorite movie... The Dark Knight. A great start to my birthday. About to goto sleep and get up tomorrow early for practice. And I'm gonna have a great practice. Then after that, who knows. I don't care. I am gonna have a good attitude and enjoy it.

I am so lucky to be where I am right now. Sure, some things haven't gone that great or gone according to plan, but I am happy.

Have you ever felt...

...Hopeless?

More tomorrow. Bad Day.

Just a reminder to myself. Be optimistic. Focus on football when all the extras aren't working out. Remember what's important to you.

11/29/08

My first Civil War as a Duck.

The past two weeks the heat has been turned up.

Those young guys from out of state who don't know how big this is have now learned. They now understand where OSU should be... at the bottom. The fact that they have faced a resurgence over the past couple years is a joke. They want to have what we have, be who we are.

Now they have a shot at the Pac-10 title. And big brother has to take that away. Put them back in their place...

Perhaps my first Civil War will be the greatest of all time. It means a whole lot to this state.

Let's do it. Every Duck can contribute. Just lend your support, believe, and let's win 10 this season.